Stress Management 100

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a
glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called
out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight
doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an
hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have
to
call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold
it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we
carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes
increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of
water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't
carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying
now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later
after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!"

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle
of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably
worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning
to others.

* Never buy a car you can't push.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you
won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world
to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and
some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they
all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today with
kindness...I did.

A story about monkeys (sort of)

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the bananas. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all the monkeys with cold water (monkeys hate being sprayed with cold water).

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result – again all the monkeys are sprayed with cold water. This continues until pretty soon whenever another monkey tries to climb the stairs all the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now put away the cold water. Remove one of the monkeys from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey will see the banana will attempt to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror all the of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt, and attack, he knows that if he climbs the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with new one. The newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Like wise replace third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth and a fifth. Every time a new monkey takes to the stairs it is attacked. The monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the bananas. Why not? Because as far as they know that’s the way we’ve always done it around here. We call this TTWWAD.

The Parable of the Three Rings - Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

The Parable of the Three Rings - Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

An uneasy peace ruled in Jerusalem. Saladin's victory against the Crusaders had cost the Muslims dearly, both in the loss of troops and in the depletion of the royal treasury. Saladin was resolved to rule with civilized humanity as far as possible. But it was an uneasy peace, with Jews, Christians, and the newly victorious Muslims all suspicious of one another.

Thus when Saladin requested an audience with Nathan, a leading Jewish merchant, the latter was very apprehensive about the Sultan's motivation. Nathan was known far and wide not only for his successes in commerce, but also for his skills in diplomacy and negotiation. Jews, Christians, and Muslims alike called him Nathan the Wise.

Nathan's suspicions were well founded, for Saladin was indeed looking to replenish his exhausted coffers with a loan or a gift from his wealthy Jewish subject. Too civil to openly demand such a tribute from the peace-loving Nathan, the Sultan instead masked his request in the form of a theological question.

"Your reputation for wisdom is great," said the Sultan. "You must have studied the great religions. Tell me, which is the best, Judaism, Islam, or Christianity?" "Sultan, I am a Jew," replied Nathan. "And I a Muslim," interrupted Saladin, "and between us stands the Christian. But the three faiths contradict one another. They cannot all be true. Tell me the results of your own wise deliberations. Which religion is best?"

Nathan recognized the trap at once. Any answer except "Islam" would offend Saladin the Muslim, whereas any answer except "Judaism" would place his own integrity under question. Thus, instead of giving a direct answer, Nathan responded by relating a parable to Saladin:

In the Orient in ancient times there lived a man who possessed a ring of inestimable worth. Its stone was an opal that emitted a hundred colors, but its real value lay in its ability to make its wearer beloved of God and man. The ring passed from father to most favored son for many generations, until finally its owner was a father with three sons, all equally deserving. Unable to decide which of the three sons was most worthy, the father commissioned a master artisan to make two exact copies of the ring, then gave each son a ring, and each son believed that he alone had inherited the original and true ring. But instead of harmony, the father's plan brought only discord to his heirs. Shortly after the father died, each of the sons claimed to be the sole ruler of the father's house, each basing his claim to authority on the ring given to him by the father. The discord grew even stronger and more hateful when a close examination of the rings failed to disclose any differences.

"But wait," interrupted Saladin, "surely you do not mean to tell me that there are no differences between Islam, Judaism, and Christianity!" "You are right, Sultan," replied Nathan. "Their teachings and practices differ in ways that can be seen by all. However, in each case, the teachings and practices are based on beliefs and faith, beliefs and faith that at their roots are the same. Which of us can prove that our beliefs and our faith are more reliable than those of others?" "I understand," said Saladin. "Now continue with your tale."
"The story is nearly at its end," replied Nathan.

The dispute among the brothers grew until their case was finally brought before a judge. After hearing the history of the original ring and its miraculous powers, the judge pronounced his conclusion: "The authentic ring," he said, "had the power to make its owner beloved of God and man, but each of your rings has brought only hatred and strife. None of you is loved by others; each loves only himself. Therefore I must conclude that none of you has the original ring. Your father must have lost it, then attempted to hide his loss by having three counterfeit rings made, and these are the rings that cause you so much grief." The judge continued: "Or it may be that your father, weary of the tyranny of a single ring, made duplicates, which he gave to you. Let each of you demonstrate his belief in the power of his ring by conducting his life in such a manner that he fully merits -- as anciently promised -- the love of God and man.

"Marvelous! Marvelous!" exclaimed Saladin. "Your tale has set my mind at rest. You may go."
"Sultan, was there nothing else you wished from me?" asked Nathan. "No. Nothing." "Then may I take the liberty to make a request of you. My trade of late has brought me unexpected wealth, and in these uncertain times I need a secure repository. Would you be willing to accept my recent earnings as loan or deposit?" The Sultan gladly acceded to Nathan's wish. And thus Saladin gained from his wise Jewish subject both material and spiritual benefit, and Nathan the Wise found a safe haven for his wealth and earned the respect of the Islamic Sultan.

What It Means To Forgive! By Gabor Renner

What It Means To Forgive! By Gabor Renner Thursday, May 27, 2004

(This is a true story. Thus the names of persons and places have been purposely changed to protect Meir, the main person involved. It has been quite a priviledge to experience how Meir has changed through the years. Although he tells me, he will never be able to erase these terrible memories, he looks a lot more happier. He is on his way, most of the time being accompanied by serenity. )

Here is the story I experienced the first time I came to USA in 1986. I came to participate at an experiential workshop, called "The Six Days", which took me and probably everybody else, to the limit of our physical, mental and emotional being.

Meir arrived at the training complex in the same bus as I did, thus became a member of our team. He was quiet, never talked about himself and I felt he was deep water, really deep. There was also this atmosphere of sadness and sometimes the look of helpless rage, a mixture of anger, madness and resignation, which passed by his eyes in an instant.

Our first task, even before we were installed, was to walk towards a video camera, say whom we were, where we came from and something of ourselves, and then walk away. There, I noticed Meir marching towards the camera as if he were on parade, make his announcements in a clear, carrying and somewhat too loud a voice. His posture was ramrod straight while he talked, about-turned and literally marched away.

After four strenuous days of passing over our limits, in the rope courses, encounter workshops and intellectual debates, we were shown our pictures of those first video films. There we had the opportunity to compare and see how we looked like then and how we look like now, by standing next to a 48" monitor. Meir looked healthier, there was more color in his face, his eyes were brighter and he seemed now to be more aggressively challenging. He was then asked to describe his own face on the film. With some hesitation, he said he saw a man, a strict disciplinarian, a man you could count on to do what he said he would do. He kept looking at the picture in silence, his face working. He then looked at the course trainer and slightly shook his head.

The trainer then asked the participants to say what they saw. They said about the same things he said. One of them mentioned he looked like Col. Klink and everybody laughed, except me. So I had to be told that "Herr Oberst von Klink(-endorf)" was a figure in a humorous TV series called "Horgan's Heroes", the scenario of which was a WW II prison camp in nazi Germany for Allied aviators. Col. Klink was the camp commandant. I noticed that Meir had paled. The trainer had noticed it too. So he asked Meir to tell them about his life. I saw Meir literally pulling himself together. Then he started. He told us that he was born in Iasi, Rumania, in 1936. He had lived in a house with his mother, father and both his grandfathers. All men were actively involved with the Socialist Party, so when the Nazis occupied the country they had to be very, very careful.

One day, coming home from school, he witnessed his entire family executed in the street in front of his home. The SS had pulled them out of the house, lined them up against the wall and mowed them down with their machine guns. A friendly neighbor had recognized him in the street, smuggled him into his home and took care of him for a few weeks. Then he was moved every few weeks to another family.One day he and the family he was staying with were caught. He was deported to a concentration camp, miraculously survived.

After the liberation, he lived in Holland, studied and became an aircraft engineer at the Fokker Works, was sent to USA, where he decided to stay.There was silence in the room when he finished telling us his biography. The trainer then asked him softly, what did he intend to do about the rest of his life. He told us that he had done ten years of psychotherapy. However, looking at his own face now, it seemed that the therapy had been of little effect. He didn't know what he was going to do about his life. It seemed so useless.

The trainer then asked him if he would be ready to listen to him, for he had a suggestion to make. Meir nodded his head. The trainer then said quietly, "Forgive them all!"The wild look of hopeless rage sprang into Meir's eyes while he shouted, "Forgive those bastards! NEVER! "Softly the trainer spoke, "I don't think you understood what I mean."He then asked his assistant to read out aloud out of the Encyclopedia Britannica, that "to forgive" means "to cease to feel resentment against an offender; to give up resentment of or claim to requital of; to give up wanting revenge; to pardon one's enemies.""What you may want to understand is that forgiving your enemies has nothing to do with them. It is an act, which relieves you, which acquits you to have to take revenge. To forgive means to give away your right for revenge. Thus you become free of it. The question is, do you want to forgive them now?"Meir stood silent for some time. Then he said, "I forgive ...", running down a mental list of all those involved in the murder of his parents, the deportation of the Iasi Jews and Socialists to the death camps, the name of the SS commandant and staff of the concentration camp. It seemed to me that he had researched to find out exactly who they had been.

As if one day, he'd be in a position to eliminate each name one by one from his list.Well, today, he had crossed off that list all in one go. Tears were running down his face [and down mine too], while I was watching his face becoming softer and softer. For a while, he didn't notice that everybody had stood up and that they were clapping. He then looked up out of his emotions, smiled softly at the group of over eighty participants, walked slowly to his chair and sat down.

Later, I went to congratulate him and saw that his eyes had become calm. A quiet intensive light had replaced the hopeless desolation. I then decided that I had a lot of forgiving to do too.